The life of Osmium Mechspanner: Scientist. Misanthrope. Chef – Part 1.

19 Sep

Mechanical squid consignment no.66 sat shining in its grey steelglass box, ready to be shipped out to Lord Fortune. Their creator, Osmium Mechspanner, flipped open his wristmount. It made a soft ‘whom’ noise, waking up with a cool blue light.

‘Dave-Bot,’ he said into the device, ‘you are required.’

Osmium fired up a large vat of pink body-grow, and checked the manifest on his clipboard. The order contained an embryo bulk order of 6000, 8 sentry turrets, 8000 litres of surface world Bolognese , 68 cases of red wine, a sani-droid, and the completed mecha-squids.

Sector 6 was unique in that its chief scientist was also its head chef. At 28 years of age, Osmium was more than halfway through his natural life, after which the fun would truly begin. For now, he slaved away for 16 hours a day, creating delicious meals to feed the masses, cleaning robots, building death-dealing atrocities of steel and glass for local government, and bioengineering the occasional special order.

Mechanical squids were used primarily in war. The latest chromatophore enhancement made them effectively invisible when engaged for combat or Osmium’s private surveillance initiatives in the resi-quarters. The most recent batch was also pleasingly floppy, like proper squid. Osmium currently had one on the slab to be modified as a personal companion.

The gastro-physicist helped himself to a flagon of mead from the refreshment funnel he had built into his chemical cabinet. A klaxon went off in the lab, and red flashing lights exulted into life.

‘INTRUDER ALERT! HUMANOID PRESENCE DETECTED!’ announced the robotic vocal equivalent of a spring coiling and uncoiling. This was Osmium’s doorbell, which he had installed for the purpose of keeping himself alert, and spicing up his day. A quick tap on his wristmount, and the door shunked open to reveal his visitor. It was a young woman.

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