Putting down the pad. Confronting gaming addiction.

20 Sep


                             What happens when I play computer games using my thighs.

On Saturday the 30th June I made the decision to unplug my Playstation 3, bind the thing up in its box, and banish it under the sofa like a misbehaved child. It’s coming on for three months now since then, and I haven’t touched it again yet.

It felt like I was suffering from having a ninja sneak apple sauce into every meal I ever ate. Apple sauce is delicious, at the right time and on the correct food, but if it happened to suddenly appear in your coffee, on your cereal, on your every forkful of everything, you would soon surely resent it and whatever silent saucy assassin put it there. Thus did the big black box become the apple sauce of my free time.

It occurred to me at around 4 a.m that I was trying to pick up trophies on a game for the primary reason that I had to send it back to Lovefilm soon to take advantage of the credits I had left this month for more games. So, I was playing through obligation? Dude, seriously. Then I thought about all the other things I could be, the things I should be doing with all this time. Ladies and genitals gentlefolk, I felt fucking ashamed of myself.

And it has been a long time. I considered the fact that, at 24 years old, the way I spend the majority of my free time has barely changed since I was 14. That is not cool. If Mr. T were here, he would say, well, “That is not cool.” And then, “Fool” I suppose, before drifting away on the breeze like a be-mohawked, black, male, jive-talkin’ Mary Poppins. And then he would punch a Boeing out of the air and rescue all of the passengers before they hit the ground. The crew might die.

I think perhaps reading Oscar Wilde’s novel ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray‘ made me more acutely aware of the passage of time. If you’ve never read it, give it a go. Damn book put the shits up me and no lie. Short of making a cursed wish to make my Facebook avatar bear my years and sins in my stead, every hour draws me nearer to a poor, mediocre and ultimately forgettable demise. If I’m ever going to afford a zeppelin to crash into a 300ft monument of my face in Tahrir Square on Wednesday 26th May 2088, as has been foreseen by the Starborn ones, then I’m going to have to start making something of my life real soon. As Morgan Freeman once said; “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

And so to Attack For Massive Damage the weakpoint of the Giant Enemy Crab of life. In the time since,  I have reconnected with my guitar-playing and discovered the joys of washing dishes to a Metallica accompaniment. Dish-wash mosh – it’s my new thing. I also discovered that you can take the games console from the procrastinator, but you can’t just assassinate the bone-idle bastard alter ego of ‘Potentially Awesome Me’ with any resemblance of ease.

Having just become employed again, being due to commence my Creative Writing Masters Degree, and having done some actual writing recently, I feel like I have now ‘earned’ some time back in Skyrim. I do miss my murderous two-handed axe-wielding kleptomaniac orc warrior, ‘Thrognash Uthmong.’

In the meantime, let’s see if I can keep this banana rolling.

Have you ever snapped, and forsaken gaming for the better good? How much gaming do you think is too much?


2 Responses to “Putting down the pad. Confronting gaming addiction.”

  1. Parul September 21, 2012 at 2:42 am #

    Ah.. The perils of addiction! At least you took a step back to assess and came out of it!
    I call that a win!

    Loved this part: “Apple sauce is delicious, at the right time and on the correct food, but if it happened to suddenly appear in your coffee, on your cereal, on your every forkful of everything, you would soon surely resent it”

    I like your humorous writing style! Would like to read more of your stuff. Have subscribed to your blog. Keep ’em coming! 🙂


    • jackkastor September 21, 2012 at 2:56 am #

      Thank you very much for your kind comment, it really made me smile! The brain-blistering process of getting things the hell done is something I feel I have more to say about. But I’m very glad you enjoyed this, Parul, I will look into expanding upon it soon.


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