‘Who Says Necrophilia’s Dead?’ An Undead Dating Show, for ‘Five Sentence Fiction.’

22 Sep

Lillie McFerrin: Five Sentence Fiction

“Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.”

If zombie-based fiction were a steak brought to my table at a restaurant, I would not complain that,  ‘It’s a little on the over-done side,’ rather I would say, ‘Garçon, from which infernal pit did you dig up this abominable lump of carbon and why has it been set on fire?’ Or something not remotely like that sentence at all.

The point being, zombie fiction has been done and done to the extent that it often comes across as burnt steak to me.
However, steak being delicious, and all, sometimes the hunger just proves too much to bear and you just have to dig in and ravenously savour the succulent morsels. Um, yeah…right. So. To the fiction-mobile!

Who Say’s Necrophilia’s Dead?

Welcome to ‘Who Says Necrophilia’s Dead?’ – the smash-hit undead dating show that everybody’s moaning about.

Today, our love-bones from last week, Mordecai and Rottie, tell us how what started with an innocent buffet breakfast at the local shopping mall turned into a romantic flesh-eating hunt for two at the hospital.

“Well Die-Anne, it was as sweet as the flesh of the newborn; Mordecai was such a gentleman, he even let me chase down the patients from the geriatric unit while they hobbled over to the escape chopper where he waited for them with a bunch of “Get well soon” begonias.

.”That sounds mortifyingly magical, Rottie, but I know that what our shamblers in attendance today and the hordes watching at home really want to sink their teeth into is the juicy gossip on what happened in the crypt that night.”

“As a man no longer in the flesh of his prime, I’m not sure if what I did to Rottie that dark stormy night can described as sex anymore, it’s more a case of rubbing together and seeing what comes off, I guess, but mark my words there were moans and groans from Mordecai’s Mausoleum fit to raise the dead.”


14 Responses to “‘Who Says Necrophilia’s Dead?’ An Undead Dating Show, for ‘Five Sentence Fiction.’”

  1. Christine September 22, 2012 at 4:25 am #

    “As a man no longer in the flesh of his prime…” I actually laughed out loud at this line! Very amusing piece.


    • jackkastor September 22, 2012 at 4:29 am #

      Thank you! It feels great to know that the humour comes across. Humour is hard (that’s what she said) to write, I find.


  2. Andrew September 22, 2012 at 5:43 am #

    That’s great – you had me chuckling all the way through.


  3. Sarah Mac September 22, 2012 at 8:34 am #

    Seriously twisted and very funny. I worried for a moment that maybe it wasn’t supposed to be and that it was me who was twisted. Glad to see that wasn’t the case 😉


    • jackkastor September 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

      Nothing wrong with being twisted. 🙂 In fact, I find things are better that way. Apart from shoulder straps on backpacks and guitars – they should never be twisted.!


  4. injaynesworld September 22, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

    “… rubbing together and seeing what falls off.” BAHAHAHA! Such a fun, clever piece! 🙂


  5. The Writers Village September 22, 2012 at 11:35 pm #

    mortifying mordecai….Oy. I love it.
    a little sexual friction in your diction (pun intended) ha.
    enjoyed it, your humor, and your writing style. Randy


  6. The Writers Village September 22, 2012 at 11:41 pm #

    e Oops, I meant to leave a note to you about my take on necrophilia. There is profanity in this post so if anyone gets easily offended, please pass on viewing:



  7. McGuffyAnn September 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    This was very amusing. Good job!
    McGuffy’s Reader


  8. Lauren September 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

    Really creative and funny. Love twisted stuff. The quirkier, the better. This would be a great video.


  9. Wayne Assiratti September 25, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    Actual and real genius. Loved it!


    • jackkastor September 26, 2012 at 2:59 am #

      Thank you, Wayne. Very much appreciated!


  10. Lillie McFerrin (@LillieMcFerrin) September 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm #

    This is rock star worthy!!! Such a truly creative take on the prompt. Love it 🙂


    • jackkastor September 29, 2012 at 11:23 pm #

      Thank you so very much! It was a pleasure to write, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!


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